I remember years ago speaking at the Aotea Centre in Auckland for the Year of the Woman. Yes we had a whole year celebrating us back then. I’m not sure who dragged it into existence kicking and screaming but it appeared and I spoke.
Back then I wasn’t what I have become, my subject matter was around the importance of women being financially savvy and independent, to lead not follow and how to make that happen.
At the time I worked within what was a very male dominated industry, and my existence and ultimate thriving in it was at times harsh, other times hilarious but always exhilarating.
Sexual harassment was big, in fact most forms of harassment were at the time. I have a very clear memory of strangling some guy with his corporate tie :) until he turned an interesting shade of purple and removed himself from the doorway where he stood trying to block me in.
There was a huge amount of chicken wings and smoked salmon being served on a continuous circuit by Corporations and Banks trying to sway my business towards them, free weekends away to luxurious Hotels and 12 course dinners that consisted of the weirdest foods and lasted for hours. There was also a 95% male to female ratio.
For whatever reason, and I do feel looking back that the law of expectation came into play very heavily, my clients were mostly extremely wealthy, and they took me under their wing with both business and friendship partnerships being formed. Most of which have survived to this day.
The level of respect and care from some of the most then prominent NZ men was amazing.
Predominately these men were the same white, wealthy males that we are continuously raging against today.. I even remember meeting my first billionaire, we had coffee and bikkies that he made me in his kitchen.
There is always that other side of the story isn't there. But like I have always said it is easy to demonise gender, race, culture from afar. We do it with ease. Close up, there are clearly more good, kind caring people than not. But demonising takes the responsibility from our shoulders and places it way over there.. on something we feel is beyond our control to change, and that becomes our out, our way of not doing what we want, desire, and need to do.
That bloody for or against philosophy that has taken this planet into the depths of vile behaviour seems to be forever looming somewhere in the background stealing our better judgement by stealth around a lot of our experiences, not just the male -female ongoing war of power but in our politics, our choices, our every interaction with each other.
I was raising 3 kids on my own at the time, shifting them around a bit as I bought, renovated and sold houses to build the financial momentum. I taught my kids to stand tall in their truth, something that I should maybe have been a bit more detailed around as my gorgeous girl twin managed to have me black listed from the Nanny agency day 1 of school holidays 1.
12 weeks a year of those torturous holidays along with the inevitable 3x tummy bug and winter cold days with no financial safety net of paid leave. You all know that scenario well I am sure.
Self employment is a hard taskmaster as many of you are experiencing . No paid leave at all ever and usually the harshest boss you will ever find ... you.
And I loved it, as I still do, I thrive on the creation and adventure of new business, new beginnings and as is the theme throughout all of my businesses past and present, healing, teaching and hopefully assisting others in creating better lives In as many ways as I can construct into reality.
The point to this long and personal story is this
Here we are back at the much shortened version of celebrating woman.
Now they label it
International Women's Day
The question to myself that I have around it all was this
But what exactly are we celebrating?
How far we have come ?
The women that have succeeded regardless of the energy of their environment?
The simple fact we were born female?
Are we actually celebrating a world that's diverse, equitable and inclusive?
A world that is free of bias, stereotypes and discrimination?
One would hope so eh.
But I have to say and over the next few days I might be getting a bit loud around this.
The souls that I have struggled hardest to manuveure around, the worst, most biased, judgmental and in some cases the just plain psycho attack behaviour towards me, the attempts to undermine me on every level, have been instigated by other women.
We can and do lay blame at any door we choose as to why there is still an imbalance in some areas of society, outdated societal rules and beliefs, certainly men cop most of the flak, government, the list is pretty long.
But I am getting increasingly pissed off, (in a spiritual way :) ) with the blame and excuse thing.
Until we as a gender, and yes we are a gender regardless of the zealots need to take even that from us , until we stop blaming others and each other for our situation nothing will change. In fact the women, that live in their anger and blame, are actively attempting to have me believe that because I am a female energy I am a natural victim.
No I am not, nor have I ever been.
We can blah on about female power all we like but I would ask that you take the time to quietly observe how we are using that power.
What is the difference between everyday women, many of whom have hopefully bothered to read to here, who create amazing lives, that pioneer, build new business, new inventions, new standards for our girls to look up to every day, ignore the much quoted 'glass ceiling' and create huge wealth for themselves. All in the face of what others see as impossibility, limitations and can’t do’s.
I would ......BUT
It seems to me that as a gender we spend an inordinate amount of time, examining and comparing ourself to others, scanning and inevitably finding fault on both sides. Maybe that’s why we historically have been pipped at the post for those places of power that men hold. We weren’t looking in the right direction nor were we focusing on what we wanted. We were just making a lot of noise about not having it.
We seem to spend an unnecessary amount of time, destructively attacking other women. We appear to put more trust in the words that spew from the over injected lips of so called ‘influencers’, (and that word comes with an eye roll), than we do the true forward thinking, uncaring of others opinions, brilliant authentic woman that we are surrounded by but who seem to be ignored or at least not held up with the same respect and awe as the pretenders.
Because these amazing females are out there in their thousands doing instead of blaming and making excuses. I see it in my clients, not just in the huge stuff but the everyday power they hold to move through the seemingly insurmountable with as much grace as they can gather. It may not always be comfortable or even easy but you don't turn and make excuses or attempt to lay blame on others doors. That is true feminine power.
I have observed for so long how with every inch we step forward we feel the need to steal from the energy of others. As we claim our place we demean and demonise men, other cultures, religions, belief systems. When do we start understanding that won’t make us stronger, it will inevitably strip us of everything good once again, we will hopefully take a different path and stay in our power knowing that there is enough to go around. We simply don't need others to boost our place in the world nor do we need to strip others of their energy.
In understanding that our husbands, sons, fathers and grandfathers, male friends, lovers, are usually showing no signs of trying to restrain our growth or stifle our earning power, it is up to us to make change, not them. We are all here for purpose and I can assure you, it is not to see who reigns supreme in any form. We are here to learn, grow, expand, and understand our roots are firmly placed in unconditional love. We are here to facilitate the positive change we need in this world, put an end to the back biting, the deceit and need to control. That's what our natural instinctual, primal pull is.
For the day, month, year of the woman to mean anything we have to make change, not change them… all of them… men, government, corporations, and all the other targets of our excuses.
But US, and the path we are currently heading down.
We have to stop comparing, criticising, and casting shadows over those that we feel threaten us with their greatness or their difference.
We need to stop honouring and giving space to the vapid and veneer thin picture that we feel obliged to agree with when we spot it … reality tv, influencers, that ridiculous American family.. and God knows, anything and everything on Tik Tok.. that word has its beginnings in mechanical man. And who feels an alignment with being mechanical man? Not a free thinking, vibrant, soul but mechanical? Stop being dragged into the distractions of social media. We need to lift our heads.
Allow yourself to get so bored that your need to create is driving you crazy. And then create, and create in your bliss as a woman that knows no bounds, that understands the rules are only there for those that believe in them.
This need to follow the status quo, to find fault, to join into the horrible conversations around those that don't bend and sway to conformity, to online bully or attack, comes from a place of fear. fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough or even as good. Fear of coming second or even last, fear of missing out. Need I go on.
If we live in these fears and refuse to change then what are we celebrating.
It’s not the world restraining us, We Are.
True feminine power, is nurturing, whether you like it or not, personally I am pleased I don’t have to do the male stuff, because I certainly dont have the pull to prove I can.
You all have amazing stories of achievement, success, growth, of manuveruing around the world that you were told would limit you. Spend a minute and list them. We forget, I had forgotten so much until this day of the Woman prodded me into deep thought.
Spend 30 minutes of this day listing your successes, your highlights, your, my god I pulled that off, your look 'what I have grown.'
By listing them mindfully we see how truly powerful we are, eliminating the need to make less of others just to boost ourselves in the way we have been taught to do.
Feel the true power of authenticity.
I had forgotten I had authored a book, after someone made the comment that the likelihood of that happening had the same odds as finding an Italian war hero. Turns out there were thousands of those and I wrote a book.
Created, run and then sold several companies, amongst which was one of the biggest import company’s in the country in its time.
I became a physical trainer at 50, something that everyone had an opinion about at the time.
I have taken on and won against police forces, and government agencies alike.
I have been quoted in parenting books, and my media file is 2 inches thick.
Sounds like bragging, and to those that haven’t heard I word I have said it will seem that way, for those that align with what I am saying, you get it, don’t you. It is about remembering all that you have done, all that you are capable of, despite what you were told you couldn’t, shouldn’t, ought not to. And all without the need to take others down, emotionally physically or mentally.
I want you to remember and repeat those times.
We only have limits because we buy into them. We are here to push ourselves to the full stretch and then some. To find our own limitations and then push at them as well. We are not here to buy into the words, ideas, threats, or limitations of others.
They are as irrelevant as the people that are trying to contain us, or turn us against each other.
And they will dissolve once we put our eyes firmly back on our feminine power in a way that honours us, all of us.
Now That is worth celebrating. Not one day a year, but every day....
And while I have you in front of me x
please, teach your daughters how ugly bullying other girls is.
It is by far the worst type of soul destroying abuse that I come across. And I come across it a lot.
Unfortunately females love to hunt in packs and they within that energy lose all sense of human decency. Our young beautiful free authentic spirits never fully recover from the abuse that is becoming so prolifically displayed and accepted by our schools and society as a whole.
Hold your girls accountable, show them the ugliness of their actions. Raise them to nurture, to love, the very things that have been forgotten.
And that I know we have within our power to change.
Yes so powerful, we need to stop wasting it on the frivolous, the vapid and use it well. Certainly better than we do now.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, my first blog.
Sending you all love